Life close to Truth

I would like to begin with a confession that many times in life i chose to see certain relationship through "how i want them to be" lenses. Kudos to my optimism for keeping them in that wavelength for as long as i was trying to feel the peaks and highs in those relationships but like all highs we are bound to feel tired to keep a perfect picture together. The perfect picture collapses for good as it is the natural law of the universe to dismantle a fabricated illusion or say one sided illusion. To my surprise others have always had low expectations and always felt ship is coming to such a shore that they cannot bear the burden of being in that picture. So it got me a great deal of hurt and realisations to come in terms with The Truth and it has landed in some of the following ways:

Everyone is nice and friends with you until you hit some sort of rock bottom. Be it Financial, Emotional and physical. Specifically this order only. so at that pit you realise what was i building for years was not relationships but the illusions in my hand that i do have certain cultivated relationships and i am surrounded by all good people (as i chose to see in them). To my face to face with Truth, only my parents were available at every second of that low in that pit, coz they birthed me and i could feel what biological connections really mean in that sense, which i used to overlook for years, thinking the bonds i have created with others area as good.

Romance leaves you fast, and romantic parter leaves you faster. I felt so naive in my realisations that once i have devotion for a partner, i would be reciprocated when they see my level of commitment. On the other hand, i have understood its only an exchange of convenience. It sounds depressing to see it like that only love, only communication or only financial safety is not enough, to my surprise, all of the above are not enough. What is really important here to see at which point the relationship is. I was blinded to the fact that a relationship can be short lived or it can have an arc, or it can have a dead end. The natural tendency of humans losing interest is Real. So i had to stop with my chase and just be. Just be and remain in my silence and hurt (which i feel is caused by my own expectations) and see what remains of me when i can not chasing, the girl, the goal and the life. Again to my surprise, it all comes back to realign with you. A bit Sad to see this reverse psychology working so well that it bothers you.

When i got out of the pit slowly dragging myself, whining to self, praying to God to hear my endless cries for over a year and half, i could sense certain relief that i have made through an invisible war. It taught me how important Money is, and how all relationships are connected and cultivated with the help of it. It showed me that take care of myself first, and move to another when you feel full. God embraced me as if he was done teaching me this brutal lesson and started healing me in his own ways. I thank God/Universe for opening my eyes and claiming me as his son.

Now even if i think of chasing someone or rekindle certain relationships, i have an amazing track record of memories that flashes before my eyes, which confirms that lessons have been learnt. So i move more by faith instead of the chase in any area of my life and this keeps my vulnerable heart protected and strengthened.

To my surprise, i have started putting people in two categories which i never knew existed. So if you truly want to know if the person is good for you and things well for you, all you have to see if they are either talking from the space of Love and Inspiration OR Guilt, shame and indifference. So if they use any of the five while dealing with you, you know if they are worth cultivating the relationship with you or not.

It felt like this recent lesson may feel like a vent but it feels so fresh that it could not have been any other way.

Thank you for being here, have an amazing day :)